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Sep 15

Scenes from my Week

Processed with VSCO with a6 preset

Depression and anxiety aren’t something that I talk about often here on the blog, and while I’ve done a lot of work on myself to deal with them, they’re still a very real thing in my life and something that I’ve wanted to discuss more frequently as they arise. I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of seeing perfectly perfect everything online and have recently found myself significantly more drawn to more authentic blogs and Instagram accounts. I’m craving that human connection – something that used to go hand in hand with blogging, but has fallen by the wayside as of late. And while I do my best to keep it as real as possible around here there is, of course, a lot that I just don’t have the chance to share. 

So while I’d love to tell you that everything was butterflies and rainbows all week long, that’s unfortunately simply not the case. And though I’m well aware that I have very little to complain about*, I found myself dealing with a number of darker days – something I naively thought I had fully under control over the last year or so. After doing quite a bit of soul searching, and going for a long, sweaty, run, I’m definitely feeling a lot better, but know that I still have some work to do. And while I’d never wish either of these things on anyone, I do feel like trials and tribulations are a beautiful part of life – there is no doubt that these battles have made me into a more well rounded, deeper, human with a larger capacity for compassion, and a stronger appreciation for the good days. So here’s to a restful, soulful weekend. And I do hope your week was better than mine! As always, here are a few photos from some of the brighter moments. 

 

*Ironically, when I’m feeling blue and not thinking clearly, it’s this very thought that makes me feel even worse. I convince myself that I don’t have the *right* to feel these feelings as I have so many blessings in my life. Which of course isn’t even partially true, but alas that’s the nature of the beast that is depression and anxiety. Anyone else struggles with this?

{above: leftovers from my best friend’s wedding}

fall sweater {it was sweater weather for a brief moment earlier this week}

for those of you who may ask, you can get this sweater here, and the towels behind me here

goldendoodle puppy

 {the best running buddy around}

pumpkin chai candle

{our whole house smells like pumpkin chai}

unique wood mirror{and this mirror – which I think I need}

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  1. Feeling guilty about feeling down? Totally.
    Just know you have lots of fans.

  2. Hi Jacquelyn, I have never had to deal with anxiety or depression. But, I have several dear friends that do. After many years of struggling to understand….”what is their problem?”, I have finally been able to be sensitive to it, and more importantly to them. So, I love your blog, and so glad that you shared such an intimate part of your life with us. Keep it real, and keep it going! Hope you are taking the time in this fall weather to just breathe! I see some restorative yoga in your future. Big love! Joyce

    • A big heck yes to that restorative yoga! I have spent all weekend really focusing on myself and my self care and already feel a million times better. Thank you so much for your comment – you sound like a really wonderful friend <3

  3. Crystal says:

    Loved this post. As of late, I too now struggle with anxiety, and just learning how to work through it. Thank you for sharing your story – You are an authentic voice and a true inspiration.

    • Thank you, Crystal. I am so sorry that you, too, deal with anxiety. It can be incredibly frustrating – if you ever need someone to lend an ear please know that I’m just an email away

  4. Abby Karn says:

    I hear you!
    Trying to get over the initial hump myself. Low self-esteem keeps me from taking on my passion. Work in progress.

    • Ugh, I’m so sorry to hear that Abby. If it’s any consolation, I know from experience that, with some hard work and a lot of love, it can get better. If you ever need to chat please don’t hesitate to shoot me an email

  5. Kari Beckett says:

    Jacquelyn, you are such and inspiration to so many people with your impeccable design talents. I hope that whatever has you down this week subsides. I, too, struggle with anxiety. I’m constantly worrying about everything to the point of exhaustion. I was recommended the book “Crash the Chatterbox” and although I’m not a regular church goer I’ve found this book to help me take a step back and breathe a little before all the “what-ifs” take over my mind. Cheers to a peaceful weekend! ~Kari

    • Kari, I’m so sorry that you, too, struggle with this issue. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the last few days it’s that we are absolutely, unequivocally, most definitely NOT alone. So many of us suffer – it’s nuts. I am so glad to have such supportive readers and friends who leave such sweet and thoughtful comments like this. I’ll have to check out that book!

  6. Linda says:

    I rarely look at this part of your blog, but for some reason today, I did. There are no coincidences. Here’s what I gleaned from your words.

    Being this open about your own experiences with anxiety and depression shines a light on this common issue for many others. Reading the words of someone who seems to have so much, could help someone really struggling, to make it through one more day because they know they are not alone. We never know who we touch..

  7. Melissa Tuck says:

    Hi Jacquelyn,

    I just started following your blog, and this was the first post I read. I want to thank you for being so brave in speaking about your depression. I can completely relate to feeling depressed while feeling like I’m not allowed to feel depressed. You’re an inspiration :)

    • Hi Melissa, I’m so sorry to hear that you can relate – it’s just the worst – but I’m so glad that you found me, and definitely hope to continue this dialogue when shit (inevitably) hits the fan again. We’re all human, with real emotions, and we are most DEFINITELY not alone. That has been very apparent to me since this post went up!

  8. Céline says:

    Thanks Jacquelyn for sharing that part because i know what your talking about.
    Anxiety and depression is sometimes part of my life.and truly i know for myself that is important that i gave myself a break for the perfection and try to be a little bit kind with me.
    I love your blog and continue sharing…i love you

    • Celine, I am so sorry that you’re affected by the same issues. It can feel all consuming, but I definitely think there’s beauty to be had in all of it. Sending lots of love, and grace, your way <3

  9. Katie says:

    I totally get what you mean about feeling guilty that you’re depressed when you think you shouldn’t be. It helps me to think about it backwards, like telling yourself you shouldn’t be sad because other people have it worse is like saying you shouldn’t be happy because other people have it better. It’s nonsense. I hope your next week feels better!

    • Katie, I struggle to think clearly when I’m suffering, but you may have just singlehandedly changed that entire stream of thoughts for me. Nothing has ever felt more bang on. I am definitely keeping this one in my back pocket for the future! Thank you so much, and I’m so sorry to hear that you, too, suffer. Lots of love to you <3

  10. Glamgirls39 says:

    Thanks for your honesty. I also suffer from anxiety and like to hide it from everyone else. I went to a OneRepublic concert recently and lead vocalist Ryan Tedder revealed that he suffers from anxiety. He wrote the song “Better” to help cope with his anxieties. Take a listen!

    • Isn’t it amazing when you start to realize that you’re not alone? It both saddens and amazes me that so many of us deal with the same issues. I promise you’re not alone, and if you ever need to chat please don’t hesitate to reach out

  11. Thinking of you friend. I can relate to so much you write and I am so glad (but not surprised) that you are using your platform to shine light and hope to others. I’m sending you love, and a virtual hug. You’re so right about the beauty in the struggle, it’s always there we just have to see it and grab hold xo Laura

  12. Rebecca Neustel says:

    As someone who nearly lost her life to the darkest depression in my 20s, I’m always deeply empathic of other’s struggles with the same. I hope this finds you feeling better and know that whatever you talk about, there’s someone, somewhere feeling the same way.

    • Thank you so much for sharing, Rebecca. I know it’s not easy but it’s real and raw and necessary all at the same time. I really appreciate your note, and hope that you reach out if ever/when ever you need to <3 None of us are alone - that has been VERY apparent to me since this post went up

  13. Barbara says:

    Yes sweets.. it’s a true saying..i wished I lived the life I post onFB 🎃 but I too Am feeling less than happy these days..so I had some amazing emotional healing with stacey.. actually did it in the phone… she’s amazing.. and I would love to give you the gift of her..if you would line… cause I love you…❤and thus world is not easy to live in when you are a sensitive sweety like you 🌷

  14. Jayne says:

    dear Jacquelyn … YOU are such a delight … a wee HUG from me to YOU !!!
    Jayne

  15. Cecile says:

    We support you and always know that we adore you! Xo.

  16. Jessica Harrell says:

    I too struggle with depression and anxiety. It’s a work in progress that’s for sure. I really like what you said about reading blogs where the people seem human. I think the alternative makes me feel so much pressure to have my house look like a magazine spread. I’m curious, what blogs are you turning to to get this human connection? I need some more in my collection!

  17. Stephanie says:

    Jacquelyn, thank you for your honesty. I happened upon your Instagram account a few weeks back. You were so utterly kind to give me the needed information to order the bed in one of your posts. Thank you.
    I suffer from anxiety though no one would guess it. I have kept it a secret from almost everyone. Throughout the years it has stifled me on more than I would care to remember. But, I know I am Blessed. I also know that no matter how bad things get there is always tomorrow! The most soul searching days for me begin with a beautiful sunrise and ends with a beautiful sunset. If I am very luck a rainbow will appear and make my day!
    You are a lovely person. I know that peace will find its way into your ❤️! May you find the strength to “happier sunrises and sunsets.” And 🌈, too! Most importantly, may you continue to have Grace each and everyday of your life!
    And remember We are ALL a Conduit of Love. We can and will make a difference! ❤️

  18. Nicki says:

    Jacquelyn I just want to say how brave I think you are for sharing something so personal and I’m sorry you’ve had a hard time. I can completely relate as I’ve suffered from bouts of depression in the past, but also anxiety a few years back after experiencing “burnout”. I now regularly (once a month) see a physcgologist and it has been life changing as I’ve not only be able to ‘download’ to someone neutral, impartial & experienced but I’ve also learnt so many coping strategies along the way. I’m a huge advocate for mental health & think it’s so important to spend time on it (be it meditation, psychology, regular time-out etc). We often focus on the physical things first (hair, manicures, massages etc) and never really spend much time on good mental health practices. Anyway sending you lots of hugs & hope this week is a much better one for you. Nicki xo

  19. Wow, I really needed to hear someone else admit to the feelings that you shared. So many people don’t understand what it is like to put your creativity (which comes from a deep personal place) out there for the world to judge. We want it to be perfect and we want people to love it. We want them to love “us”. It is a recipe for anxiety! It helps to share with others who experience the same dynamic and to know that we aren’t alone. Thanks for being vulnerable.

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